data worlds + migraine visions
building landscapes using symptom tracking data + some sounds inspired by Hildegard von Bingen
My past few weeks have been somewhat lost to hellish migraines- something I’ve been experiencing monthly for the past year or so, but which have sadly begun occurring more regularly. This is most likely due to my being in my early 40s, and the onset of perimenopause. Great!
Since around October I have been using a tracking app to keep tabs on my many- and expanding- invisible illness symptoms, primarily to figure out what my health triggers may be, but also to try and plan my day to day activities more carefully. (I also just like looking at data.) I’ve began looking at the trend lines of my symptoms and activity- all of which increase in severity since leaving the creative haven of Seyðisfjörður, Iceland and returning to working and city life- and looking for ways to create something creative with them. I don’t need to see the data that shows living a slower pace of life for 6 weeks radically improved my physical and mental health, but it helps.
Meanwhile I’ve been aiming to spend a day in the studio a week, to maintain my practice in a non-self-pressurising way whilst working full-time by trying a new process I’ve long been interested in, but have never tried: model making!
Whilst I’m no RPG player, I’ve always loved the creativity involved in the tiny dioramas people build for games, train sets, etc. After some good advice from a talented model-making friend (and watching a lot of youtube tutorials) I decided to build a model of a meandering river through a rocky landscape, based around the trendline found in 3 months of fatigue data.
Model-making is a slow process- and this is proving satisfying and enjoyable. Applying layers of plaster, then paint, then fixer, then texture, then resin etc requires a lot of drying time, so I’m completing a step before returning to the studio a week later to start the next step. It’s hard to move away from what looks like a hot mess, knowing that it will only start coming together layer by layer. It’s been a long time since I’ve created something with my hands, rather than digitally, and the tactile side of it feels good at the moment too.
Once again, I’m indebted to Christian Jago for his mentorship and inspiration covering all things world-building. Check out his project ‘Ephemeral Bloom’- a beautiful series documenting his struggles with mental health via the creation of imagined worlds.
Migraines and visions
Content warning: This next part contains images, sounds and writing based around my experiences of migraines. I understand these kind of descriptors can trigger migraines in some sufferers so I recommend skipping to the end if this is you!
As mentioned earlier, I have been plagued by a series of 2-3 day migraines recently, resulting in spending far too much time laying in a darkened room, wearing an eye mask and ear plugs to shut the world out, occasionally stumbling to the bathroom with my eyes closed to vomit. If you have experience of migraines then I need to say no more to you. During the worst periods of a migraine, I almost begin to wish for the relief of a quick death. This sounds OTT and dramatic now, but really, during those times, it is horrific. Once it passes, I have a few days of feeling like I have a hangover which is better because at least I can listen to podcasts, watch (gentle) TV or read a bit. When they finally pass, having spent a few days in solitude, climbing the walls and having had strange, deep, existential experience within my own mind, I often have a wave of creativity- an urge to capture something whilst joyful of being back to reality, despite feeling somewhat disassociated from it.
During my most recent bout I had been knee-deep in reading about Hildegard von Bingen. (Specifically through a fascinating chapter in ‘Femina’ by Janina Ramirez that documents the two women that ‘rescued’ a remaining copy of Bingen’s work from certain destruction by the Nazis, and returning it to its rightful home.)
Like many, I find Hildegard a fascinating historical figure, and whilst I think it is difficult (and problematic) to try and re-contextualise the life of a nun from the 12th Century through a contemporary (non-religious) lens, I was intrigued to learn online that many contemporary sources highlight the possibility that Hildegard’s ‘visions’ were in fact migraines. Migraines with ‘auras’- a term used to describe the visual disturbances sufferers often experience before or during an attack. I can imagine that an 12th century nun, devoted to religion and living in a convent might see an image like this and know that it was the work of some higher power:
Re-imagining migraines as a gateway towards a sound, idea or visual that can’t really be described with words made my brain fizz in a nice Autistic way, and helped me out of a dark patch that migraines can also put me in.
After my few days of solitude and silence I spent an evening in my studio recording some sounds inspired by the choral drones in Hildegard’s amazing musical compositions. It’s a layered guitar piece using a bow, lots of down tuning and delay, and I recorded it in my dark basement studios with some candles. Whilst the piece is slow and ambient, throughout there is a surging sound as I try to control the way the notes feed back- stopping them before they reach too loud a point, the way a migraine can surge and dissipate depending on light, temperature, smell and sound in the vicinity.
The artwork is a digital collage of a glitch artwork I made, with one of Hildegards’ visions on top, but inverted. Looking at it from a different direction.
Mycelium Parish News 2025
I was excited to receive in the post the latest edition of the Mycelium Parish News: its a great project that features listings of underground, subversive projects by artists, writers, musicians and other weirdos operating in the mycelial counter-culture. You can get a copy through here. The fact that its a physical, self-published magazine sent through the post that only appears once a year makes it a quietly radical project in a world of overwhelm. It is comforting to know there is so much going on than we think, deep in the soil below us. They have also very kindly put a couple of my own projects in there this edition.
Gaza Sunbirds
As a final note, I want to mention the Gaza Sunbirds. The continuing genocide in Palestine is never not on my mind, and whilst any cause you can support there is worthwhile I think what they are doing is incredible. As someone who has found a great deal of my physical independence through cycling (my electric assisted bike has given me so much freedom), I have been very moved by their work- and especially so considering the day to day experiences they are living through. Please donate if you can. 🚲
Links + Resources
https://www.instagram.com/josephdraws/
https://christianjago.co.uk/Ephemeral-Bloom
https://www.janinaramirez.co.uk/femina
https://hoydensandfirebrands.blogspot.com/2013/04/were-hildegard-von-bingens-visions.html